1. What is considered to be a non-marital relationship?

Non-marital relationships can be defined as stable adult relationships that are romantic or contractual, but not marital. They include post divorce relationships, same-sex relationships, cohabitation or live-in relationships.

2. How would you define the following relationships:

• Same sex relationships: A same sex relationship can be defined as a romantic relationship, usually of a sexual nature, between two adults of the same sex. Two men who share a relationship are usually referred to as a gay couple, and two women who share a relationship are usually referred to as a lesbian couple.
• Cohabitation: Cohabitation refers to the concept to two individuals, living together, sharing a household and sometimes even children, but without having a legal or religious marriage ceremony.
• Divorce: Divorce refers to the legal separation of a (heterosexual) couple, who had previously been married. In India, grounds for divorce are different for each religion, and based on religious definitions of ‘breaking the marital contract’. They include impotence, mental illness, being jailed for more than seven years, extramarital affairs, non-consummation, cruelty and mutual consent.

3. Name two approaches that have been found to be harmful and two beneficial approaches when dealing with same-sex couples.

Following are the two approaches that have been found to be harmful when dealing with same-sex couples:

1. Indicating that a gay or lesbian identity is bad, sick, or inferior, and
2. Pressurizing or advising the client to ‘come out’ to someone in spite of the fact that the client believes it is too risky.

Two beneficial approaches when dealing with same-sex couples are as follows:

1. Not making an issue of the client’s sexual orientation when it is not relevant, and
2. Helping them feel good about themselves as gay or lesbian.

4. What is internalized homophobia?

Internalized homophobia is a process that occurs when sexual minorities internalize negative stereotypes and expectations held by the majority; that is, gay or lesbian persons do not like themselves, because they are gay or lesbian. This leads to guilt, self-hatred, self-doubting, and negative outlook regarding the possibility of maintaining a long-term relationship.

5. What are the issues to be considered when the clinician deals with same-sex couples where one or both partners are HIV positive?

Following are the issues to be considered when the clinician deals with gay couples where one or both partners are HIV positive:

• Decrease in sexual interest and satisfaction, as well as an increase in erectile difficulties and anxiety and fear of transmitting AIDS to their partner;
• Blame or guilt, depending on who the virus originated with, and whether it was passed on from one partner to the other.
• The non-infected partner may wish to leave the relationship, but feel guilty about letting down their partner; and
• The infected partner may feel extremely dependent especially as they are less likely to have support from friends and family. This dependence may be resented by one or both.

6. How should a counsellor respond if he or she is prejudiced against cohabiting relationships?

If a counsellor feels that she or he is too prejudiced against same sex or cohabiting relationships to provide adequate care, it will be more ethical to refer them to someone else. It is okay to prefer not to work with certain groups of clients, but it is necessary to be honest with oneself and them about this preference.

7. Describe communication problems in cohabiting relationships.

Problems in cohabiting relationships may be more often due to ‘communication apprehension’. Communication apprehension refers to fears about bringing up certain topics for discussion. As the couple occupies a vague middle ground between marriage and merely being boyfriend and girlfriend, they may not be sure what is legitimate to ask for and expect from each other.

8. How are money matters resolved in cohabiting relationships?

Couples may decide to share all expenses half and half, or for the man to take on the traditional role of providing most of the money. Any arrangement that both are comfortable with is okay, but the counsellor should ensure that neither partner feels exploited or insecure. Experts advise that money and credit not be combined immediately, and separate finances be maintained as far as possible.

9. What are some of the pressures on cohabiting relationships?

Some of the pressures on cohabiting relationships are social, familial, religious and financial.

10. What information is available on non-marital relationships in India?

11. What are the differences between same sex and heterosexual couples?

12. What are the issues that divorced individuals may bring to counselling?

13. Is cohabitation a sign of a healthy relationship? Why?