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Unit 18. Separation, Divorce and Future Options

Separation can be judicial or emotional. In judicial separation the marriage is not yet dissolved and the partners cannot remarry till the case is finally decided. In an emotional separation the partners continue to remain married but they live apart. 

Desertion; either temporary or permanent is illegal and unofficial and is an irresponsible departure from the home on the part of either husband or wife.

Divorce is legal dissolution of marital ties or final termination of a bonafide marriage.

2. What qualities are expected out of an individual to maintain and strengthen the marital bond?

Compromise, adjustment, duty and maintaining family honour are expected out of an individual to maintain and strengthen the marital bond.

3. Why will the impact of divorce be felt by other family members apart from the couple?

Indian family is a system of interdependent and reciprocal relationships. Any problem or crisis which affects one family member will have an impact on all the family members and reactions of each member of the family will, in turn, affect all other family members. Thus in a family where a couple is experiencing marital conflict or is in process of separation or divorce, the impact of marriage breakdown will be felt by all the family members.

4. During the process of divorce, why are children the forgotten victims most of the time?

The process of separation and divorce becomes so strenuous that at times it impairs the ability of parents to understand and meet the developmental and emotional needs of their children. During the period of marital tension, both parents may get so caught up with the intensity of their own conflicts and their struggle for emotional and physical survival that they may often parent their children with less intensity, attention and care.

5. Under what circumstances does the option of co-parenting work best?

The option of co-parenting works best when both partners desire it and are living in the same geographical location. It is important that parents are still good friends and share an open communication.

6. Is it easy to get remarried after divorce in India?

No, it is not easy to remarry after divorce in India. This happens due to the social stigma attached to the divorced individual. Arranged marriages are really difficult especially if the divorced individual is a female. The situation accentuates to create more problems if there are children out of the previous marriage. The Indian society still treats ‘divorce’ as a deviation to the accepted norm of ‘family’.

7. What are the problems associated with single parenting?

Single parenting is associated with many problems. Women are faced with economic hardships especially if they are unemployed. Men find it difficult with resources like time, energy and the required skills to parent a child(ren) single handedly. If the option of single parenting is out of choice for either partner the psychological burden is lesser.

8. Why is counselling in India different from that of the West?

The meaning and significance of marriage and divorce in India are very different from that in the West. Issues related to marital life are considered a personal domain in India and people do not seek counselling as the first option. It is considered a taboo to share problems outside home. Thus one needs to keep in mind the Indian context and then go ahead or else all the efforts will be in vain.

9. Taking care of self is most important in the process of counselling and family therapy. Why?

Dealing with crisis which others are facing is less challenging if you are at peace with yourself. You can only make others comfortable if you are comfortable with your own self. You can persuade others to think differently if you are capable of it yourself. Charity begins at home!

10. Discuss some marriage ceremonies and rituals in different religions which have an implied meaning of marriage being a permanent relationship.

11. Analyse the reasons as to why some marriages lead to divorce.

12. Explain the issues associated with separation and divorce.

13. Discuss in detail the domains of adjustment and coping after divorce and separation.

14. What are some of the alternatives and future options after separation and divorce?

15. List the needs of the reconstituted individuals after separation and divorce.

16. Evaluate the role of the counsellor, family therapist and mediator while dealing with individuals who are separated or divorced.